OK, so this car doesn’t actually belong to Chuck Norris, but you’ll forgive us for saying so once you read the for sale ad placed by the owner.
The man of mystery behind this powerhouse of Symmetrical all-wheel drive has scribed a piece of prose that, we’d guess, is only superseded in awesomeness by the car itself – not to mention its future owner.
Rather than a conventional for sale spot, this ad for a 1998 Subaru Impreza Wagon reads like a work of literature, with the author promising that, “if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o’clock shadow, this Subaru would look like Tom Selleck.”
But it doesn’t end there. No, this Subie is described as a “fire breathing, dragon slaying, nazi killing hero,” that was “engineered by 3rd degree ninja pirate super-warriors in the highest mountains of Japan.”
That’s not to say the important details have been overlook, as it does come with a first-aid kit that includes, “A pint of whiskey, a stitch-your-own-wound kit and a hunk of leather to bite down on when you’re operating on yourself.”
The seller is located in Barrie, Ontario (just north of Toronto), and does indicate the ‘Baru’ has 183,000 km and (as all awesome cars do) comes with a manual transmission.
For 2,500 bucks, it seems like a sweet deal. So grab your best Three Wolf Moon Shirt and forget that Cavalier in the driveway because, according to the ad, this car, “will live on as a monument to your machismo.”