Stop the presses! President Obama, champion of American jobs and lower taxes, is touring this great nation in a $1.1-million luxury tour bus—built in CANADA!
Obama’s Prevost VIP H3-45, nicknamed “Greyhound One,” is the same model used by touring artists such as Rush, Nickelback, and Loverboy. It comes with all of the armor and accoutrements as befitting the American president: armored doors, teleconferencing equipment, flatscreen televisions tuned to CBC News, big comfy couches, a maple syrup dispenser, and enough storage space for hockey sticks and curling brooms. It is also equipped with Obama’s nuclear launch codes in his “football,” in case the ghost of Diefenbaker attacks us with the last remaining Avro Arrow.
The Secret Service justified the purchase of the coach for security reasons. “There are certain security and communications equipment that we’ll have in there,” said Ed Donovan, a Secret Service spokesman. “It’s just a better situation for us rather than leasing something and then putting in temporary equipment.”
Those looking to Prevost for the catalyst to a presidential conspiracy can take heart, however: the bus was upgraded by Hemphill Brothers Coach, based in Whites Creek, Tennessee, a town where a Tim Horton’s has yet to open. The government paid $2.2 million to Hemphill Brothers for two coaches, as well as the upgrades—which ran for half the cost.
After Obama’s tour, the Secret Service may make the bus available to other politicians who need the protection—including GOP presidential nominees. Michelle Bachmann might turn to dust if she steps inside, however.