According to a woman in South Carolina, when truck nuts are outlawed, only outlaws will have truck nuts.
The Man is holding 65-year old Virginia Tice down with a $445 fine after she put a pair of dangling truck nuts on the back of her Dodge. She was spotted at a convenience store by the chief of police of Bonneau, South Carolina, a state that defines these plastic dangling bits as “indecent vehicle ornaments.” However, Tice isn’t taking this lying down, as most do with a pair of nuts: she’s taking the matter to court with a jury trial.
“She’s such a sweet lady and she just says ‘I don’t want to pay the fine,'” said police chief Franco Fuda (who sounds like he might come from somewhere overseas, like Maryland). “We’ll let a jury decide whether this is really criminal behavior. I don’t want to take away from the importance of free speech, but it’s really comical.”
This isn’t the first time South Carolina has threatened to take truck nuts from the people’s cold, dead hands. The jury will determine whether Tice has violated obscenity laws, or if Fuda is a freedom-hatin’ Commie hell-bent on taking away one’s God-given right to novelty testicular facsimiles.