Maintaining tact and candor simultaneously while describing Topcar’s Porsche Cayenne Vantage 2 “Lemon,” is about as easy as keeping a straight face and drinking prohibition-era moonshine.
Ugly, tasteless and ridiculous appearance packages are as common as unflavored water, so as unsightly as this one is, it’s hard to feel particularly offended on looks alone. We could get by on an easy “no thank you” if it were just the photos. The hideous lime green on mustard yellow is bad, and the scrawled “Vantage” label looks haphazard at best, but so what? At least the failure is acknowledged in the “lemon” name.
It wasn’t until cracking the press release open that this unusual Porsche build became irresistibly bad. It reads:
“Long-awaited warm weather, friendly sunbeams, green and fresh colors improved the positive mood of the car owners. So sports cars and cabriolets finally appeared on the roads. Holiday season is coming soon so many people, even in spirit, have already gone to long journeys somewhere in the shy-blue seaside.”
Nothing seems to be changed mechanically on the Cayenne, and the interior has only been tinkered with a little to reflect the goofy exterior styling. Thank goodness the “friendly sunbeams” can’t make it through sheet metal.
Pricing wasn’t included Topcar’s release, but given the car’s looks that information is probably irrelevant anyway. If only the badge read “Crayola” instead of “Vantage,” this SUV might have made a little sense. Instead, somebody at Aston Martin is probably smacking their forehead in frustration.