Top 10 Reasons to Get a Sports Car

Top 10 Reasons to Get a Sports Car
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5. Symphonic Sounds

Matching their powerful engines, sports cars are often equipped with free-flowing exhaust systems. These open outlets act like megaphones, amplifying and broadcasting glorious engine sounds so everyone can enjoy them. The driver’s having a blast behind the wheel; shouldn’t others be able to share in the experience? Think of it as giving back to the community. Symphonic sounds are key to the entire sports car experience. Who wants their Porsche 911 to drone like a four-cylinder Chrysler 200? Maybe Ralph Nader, but then again if he were in charge we’d all be riding on public transportation at 10 miles an hour wearing suits made of energy-absorbing foam while enjoying a bag of kale snacks.

  • Larry

    Cause vagine

  • My GF

    I sent this to my girlfriend for entertainment value… however, her response was far more entertaining:

    I think it’s funny that they
    thought the people reading this would be so intellectually devoid that they
    would confuse one of our most well-known philosophers with Play-Doh. J

    Permission to be a smartass…

    Top 10 Reasons to Get a Sports
    Car

    1.
    Light and Chuckable

    a. Very good Grug. Lighter car go fast, ugh ugh.

    2.
    Bragging Rights

    a. People will be so jealous of you. Especially the
    guy next door with a hot wife and a couple of great kids that are going to take
    care of him in his old age while you are pissing out a tube and reminiscing
    about how great you once had it.

    3.
    Aesthetic Appeal

    a. Someone famous was quoted here…there can be no logical
    argument against that…

    4.
    Sex Appeal

    a. Yeah, no one will notice your toupee blowing in the wind
    or your 20 lb gut flopping out over your pants while you try to drag your fat
    ass out of a car that’s practically sitting on the ground. Translation: I
    will believe anything if there is hot girl in the commercial.

    5.
    Symphonic Sounds

    a. My car sounds so good…yeah I’m pumping poisons into the
    air, increasing childhood occurrences of asthma, and shortening the life of our
    planet as a whole, but…my car sounds so good. Ugh ugh.

    6.
    Limited Seating

    a. If a man wants to be an island maybe he shouldn’t move to
    the city.

    7.
    Quick Acceleration

    a. Yeah…I’m that guy. You know the one that zips around in
    his car and the hugeness of his dick literally explodes out of the windshield.

    8.
    Row ‘em if You’ve
    Got ‘em

    a. Self-shifting…I’ve been doing that since I was 7.

    9.
    Technocracy

    a. Term originally used to designate the application of the
    scientific method to solving social problems, in counter distinction to the
    traditional economic, political, or philosophic approaches. I thought we
    were using Plato as our source of truth…wasn’t he a philosopher who used
    philosophical symbolism to portray much of his political ideology? Fail.

    10.
    Joie de vivre

    a. There is a whole wiki page devoted to statistics on
    motorsport driver deaths. Yes…I would say “joy of life” is the
    most accurate description that could be made here.