Top 10 Shameless Shill Cars

There’s more than one way to move cars off dealer lots.

Some companies offer deep discounts — a practice casually called putting “cash on the hood.” Mild style tweaks and jimmied equipment lists are another common trick. In other cases, the company actually cuts its prices outright like Nissan did this year with the Leaf.

Sometimes an auto maker will slap an outside brand on some of its vehicles in the hope of drumming up artificial appeal. The cars aren’t always better, but then again how much “quality” does that pony really add to your polo shirt?

Occasionally, it feels like the marketers at (insert car company) give up and say “Screw it! Lets let the people at (insert unrelated brand) take a stab at selling these things. I’m tired of this shit anyway…”

The shilling begins, and everyone wins. Sort of. Here are 10 of the most absurd, obnoxious and completely cockamamie examples of shameless shill cars

Note: the Spongebob Highlander didn’t qualify because it is a concept car.

Shouldn’t this endorsement deal have been inked with Cadillac? After all, the Escalade is nothing if not a reminder of how hip hop stars can squander wealth like the horrible children on MTV’s My Super Sweet Sixteen.

Sold for the 2008 model year, Ford shortsightedly squandered an opportunity to save the gig for a more appropriately named SUV to grace its stable. Just think; it could have been the Funk Master Flex… wait for it… Flex.

Instead, the world got this gem. To quote the Master, “it was poppin.”

Eye popping, perhaps. It came with 20-inch chrome wheels, two tone paint and a “quality” body kit – his words – along with “FMF” stitching in the seats and a black and red color scheme. Just don’t forget to wear your Funk Master Flex driving shoes from Lugz.

The Fiat 500 by Gucci may be shameless, but it makes perfect sense. In fact, if you’re the sort of person who likes the idea of owning a car with a Gucci label, start calling Fiat dealers now. They were on showroom floors as recently as last spring and there might still be a few available.

Take a moment to read my thought process before you condemn me in the comments box.

People who would actually entertain the idea of owning a car like this probably already have a sizable collection of expensive baggage. Gucci, Prada, Louis Vuitton; they all peddle preposterously priced packages to tote other preposterously priced items through the day.

So it’s fitting that a fashion-forward car like the Fiat 500 would be the next matryoshka doll in this ridiculous charade.

I’m also guessing people who bought these probably financed them. Here’s the thing: Fiat offers more forgiving interest rates than the “well loved” credit card in your Coach wristlet.

Rewind for a moment back to 2003 before Arnold was jokingly named the “Governator” by so many Californians. Gray Davis was on the cusp of what must have been his greatest humiliation and Arnold was spitting distance from office, although he probably didn’t know it at the time.

What he did know was that Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines was the only thing in that state tanking harder than its governor. That didn’t stop Toyota from trying to scrape what little profit it could out of product endorsements. The T3 edition Tundra as born.

Customers paid an extra $5,585 for the Japanese truck gone post-apocalyptic Hollywood. For that price, they got a new exhaust, limited-slip differential and upgraded suspension. The truck also got “T3” graphics and a full makeover.

Too bad Arnold chose to go with a Hummer converted to run on hydrogen rather than one of these.

Chrysler has big cojones. It bills the Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 3 Edition Wrangler the toughest vehicle in the world. Even if you restrict that idea to passenger vehicles, the idea is more ridiculous than a Richard Simmons exercise video.

What about the Hummer H1? How about the Lamborghini LM002? Toyota’s Hilux? God forbid any of those hulking things find a “COD” Wrangler in a dark alley.

As shill cars go, this is probably one of the most passable. It’s based on the Wrangler Rubicon and comes with 32-inch off-road tires, rock rails and a winch-ready bumper. So at least you’ve got more than a goofy looking badge to show people how good you are at wasting money.

Honda had a great idea this year: putting a shop vac into its Odyssey minivan. That way, parents will be able to get rid of the crushed snack crumbs covering most minivan floors.

More than a decade ago, Chevrolet did something similar with the Warner Brothers Venture. The bowtie brand pandered to parents by slapping a “WB” badge on the car and offering a fold-down TV to keep the kids quiet.

Chevrolet didn’t stop there, though. The options list also included a LEGO playseat.

It’s difficult to imagine today, but there was a time when minivans were popular. Automakers were clamoring to build practical people carriers, and demand was high enough that there was even space for Mercury to make a Nautica edition of its Villager.

All of the Nautica Special Edition models came in a two-toned blue and white paint scheme and secretly supplied the cabin with an airborne numbing agent that kept the driver from feeling any of the sideways glances people shot their way.

Given the brand’s boating-class implications, it would have made sense for Mercury to have held off and offered the Nautica Edition Mountaineer. At least then the idea of towing a sail boat with it make sense.

Having never been on the set of a movie with a budget of $207 million, it’s difficult to say what being a crew member is like. But Volkswagen decided in 2005 that it would offer European customers a taste.

The King Kong “Crew Member” Edition Touareg came with rear underbody guards, special 19-inch wheels, black paint and silver roof bars among a short list of other changes, the most important of which was “King Kong” badging.

In fact, the features list for the SUV is a recreation of the vehicles crew members used during the movie’s production — hence the name. Volkswagen said at the time that the package actually represented roughly a $5,000 savings over checking those option boxes individually.

So, was Volkswagen really offering a special edition or did Peter Jackson drink too much chardonnay while he was filling out the order sheet?

Nowadays when auto makers want to sell cars to kids, they load them up with touch screens faster than sub-par pediatricians prescribing Ritalin to overactive kids. That’s right, I’m looking at you, Jalapeno-colored Chevy Spark.

Things used to be different in the early 2000s before the advent of iPhones. Bluetooth was still that nifty thing on your Palm Pilot that you never seemed to use, remember?

At the time, Toyota was trying to convince young drivers that the ECHO was cool with the Roxy special edition. Fat chance. It’s an ECHO.

Let’s get one thing straight: the term “Canadian tuxedo” isn’t an endearing one. In case you’re aren’t familiar, that’s what wearing blue jeans and a denim jacket is called.

It’s also what AMC did to a number of its vehicle interiors including the Pacer, which for 1977 was available with the “Levi’s” package. It came with blue denim upholstery and door panel trim along with Levi’s tags on the front seats.

There was also a Levi’s package for the Gremlin. Believe it or not, this was actually worse. Instead of using rolls of rejected jeans cloth, AMC used nylon material made to look like denim.

Try making this argument at a Toby Keith concert if you’re up for a challenge. The Toyota Tundra is a VERY American truck.

They’re built in Texas and the company goes out of its way to hire veterans. That should be enough to make a bald eagle shed tears of joy.

Before opening its $800 million plant in San Antonio, Toyota built a “Presidential Texas Edition” of the Tundra. It has “sandstone” leather seats with ostrich leather inserts and a big stitched “W” in the seatbacks. It’s not technically in the same category as the other editions on this list, but come on. This is a George W. Bush edition Toyota product.