Craigslist is a one-stop online marketplace where you can find just about anything.
Whether you’re looking to sell a crate of used light bulbs, are in the market for a factory-second water heater or even require certain “personal services,” you needn’t type anything else into your browser’s address bar.
Of course, automobiles for every purse and purpose are also posted on Craigslist, from meticulously restored classics to salvage-title wrecks that are worth less than their scrap-metal value. Literally every kind of vehicular conveyance is just a few taps of the keyboard away. Looking for a go-kart? No problem. What about a tandem bicycle? Child’s play. Need a wide-body electric wheelchair? Six have become available since Tuesday.
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Naturally, many people use this service legitimately to sell their cars and trucks and even dealers tap into its power. However, the site is also rife with scammers, scofflaws and confidence tricksters, to say nothing of the general populace that can barely string together a complete sentence.
And that latter group of people can provide abundant entertainment. We’ve sifted through the depths of Craigslist to uncover an array of truly awful ads. Are you in the market for a new ride? If so, check out these eight hilariously bad Craigslist posts.
8. 2007 Saturn Outlook – Detroit, Michigan
First up, something close to home, well, relatively near my residence, at least. This 2007 Saturn Outlook is available in scenic Detroit, Michigan. A proud member of General Motors’ Lambda family, it looks particularly fetching in dark blue. Since this planetary brand faded away several years ago, experts say this crossover could become a future classic.
But even better than its expected appreciation is that it’s priced to sell at just “$550 FIRM.” You’ll never find another three-row utility vehicle for that price, nor one with as many blood stains in the cargo area.
Sure, it doesn’t have a title, and it needs a new interior, power-steering pump and “front tore rods,” but none of these minor issues should cause concern, right? Perhaps what’s more worrying is that in the picture attached to the post, it looks like someone is trying to clean up a crime scene.
7. 2002 Buick Rendezvous – Redford, Michigan
Just down the road from that totally legitimate and not-at-all-suspicious Saturn is another winning GM product. The Buick Rendezvous may look like a minivan and ride atop a minivan architecture, but it’s far less pedestrian than one of these family wagons.
For starters, this beauty is a crossover, and a luxury one at that. As such, it’s loaded with all of the latest and greatest early-2000s features, things like “hot heat,” power windows and locks as well as a flip-down third-row seat. But perhaps best of all, it even comes with a fighter jet inspired heads up display that, according to the seller, “shows you how fast your going while you stair out the windshield” (emphasis added to highlight atrocious spelling and grammar).
Can you believe all of this can be yours for just $1,200? But please, no low offers. The seller knows “what the truck is worth,” even if its transmission doesn’t shift properly.
6. 2000 Toyota Tacoma – Youngsville, North Carolina
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Flipping Michigan the bird, we head southeast to America’s Atlantic coast, where this lovely Taco is available in Youngsville, North Carolina. It’s 211,000 miles young, but don’t let that deter you; the owner claims it’s very dependable and gets “30+ around town.” Drive it home today for just $3,500, complete with a hastily screwed together wooden crate bolted to the frame, which is included at no extra cost!
5. 1989 Chevrolet Camaro – White Hall, Arkansas
Now we cast our Craigslist-clouded gaze westward, manifest destiny at top of mind. Chevy just introduced a completely redesigned Camaro for the 2016 model year, something that should apply a little downward price pressure on previous versions, like this pristine 1989 RS V6 example up for sale in White Hall, Arkansas.
The owner is asking $500 for it, but don’t be timorous, feel free to make an offer; clearly they’re not charging extra for all that luscious mildew patina. The car is being sold due to a divorce and unfortunately “hasn’t ran in over 10 years,” which makes it a perfect handyman’s (or woman) special!
SEE ALSO: 2016 Chevrolet Camaro Review
This vintage Camaro comes with a title, but unfortunately there’s a catch. According to the post, “it was last registered in my deceased ex father in laws name with me as a lien holder.” Hmmm, that sounds like start to an episode of Jerry Springer, though our biggest question is this: Does the broken toilet come with the car?
4. 1977 Dodge Camper – Lake Wales, Florida
Are you secretly a vagabond at heart? Do you lust for the open road the way diabetics crave chocolate eclairs? If so, you might consider an RV for your next vehicle.
This 1977 Dodge Camper is offered in Lake Wales, Florida, and it’s sure to take you anywhere you want to go, so feel free to ramble all across America … once you get the engine to stay running.
Fortunately, the owner says it just needs “A LIL TLC,” along with a battery, new fuel line and some cosmetic work. But don’t we all? If you’re interested they’ll even throw in some free sealant to patch up the roof’s “one small leak.”
According to the post, this camper’s amenities include a bathroom, cooktop, refrigerator and two places for a bed. Not listed, free black mold and scabies.
3. 19?? Pontiac Trans Am – Tallahassee, Florida
Are you a Burt Reynolds fan? Well, you dream car awaits in Tallahassee, Florida! According to the post on Craigslist, this stylish Pontiac is “an old smoky an the bandit edition trans am” (sic). Supposedly, it has all the main body parts except the driver’s door, though we wonder where the hood is …
Further sweetening things, the “truck and truck lip is all good” and the rear end is worth a claimed $400 to $500. But don’t let those figures scare you away. The seller is asking “700 for the hole thing” (emphasis added) making this a steal, provided you want tetanus.
2. 1990 Mazda Miata
Along with “free shots” and “hot mayonnaise,” four words that should NEVER be used together are “Mazda Miata” and “rat rod.” Can you imagine what an automotive monstrosity such as this would look like? Well, unfortunately, you don’t have to because one enterprising person built just such a vehicle.
Up front it features a grille from an unknown Mercedes-Benz model, its hood appears to be ripped off a tractor (either that or it’s the body of an old washing machine), trailer fenders cover its front tires and shining through the darkness are four random headlights. What has been seen cannot be unseen and this poor Mazda is burned into our brains.
SEE ALSO: 2016 Mazda MX-5 Miata Review
If you like what you see – AND YOU SHOULDN’T – it can be yours for $1,500. Perhaps we should start a charity to rescue and restore this poor Miata. Mike Schlee, AutoGuide.com‘s resident Miata fanboy, would probably be the first onboard, donating his child’s college savings to the cause.
1. “Airplane Corvette Custom Project one of a kind”
Finally, we come to a one-of-a-kind automobile, or should we say AEROmobile. Like the abovementioned Mazda, this machine is a ghastly combination, an affront to all things decent and holy.
Someone thought it was smart to take a Corvette chassis and mount an airplane body on top. Upping the bastard factor, this machine is powered by a Dodge V6 pilfered from a Dakota pickup truck! Now this could have been a noble project – maybe – had someone with talent, foresight and budget tackled it, but unfortunately, none of the above applies. If only one things for certain it’s a “one of a kind,” and for good reason.
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