Five-Point Inspection: 2013 Nissan Titan

Do you remember the “ooga” horn sound cartoon characters used to make when they saw something shocking?

If you want to create a similar reaction, in real life, tell any Dodge, Ford or GM truckophile that you’re planning to buy a new Nissan Titan.

For the most part, their arguments will be well grounded. Nissan first sold the truck nearly a decade ago and has done little to update it since then.

People who belong in a truck, who really belong in a truck, are better off looking elsewhere. Work horses from the Detroit 3 stables beat it in almost every conceivable category.

Everyone — Nissan included — knows the Titan is getting by these days on Geritol and tanks worth of liquid Aleve. That’s why the brand poached Frank Diaz: the man largely credited with getting the Ram in a position to brag about “guts and glory” on TV.

There could be something big brewing in Nissan’s truck division, but only time will tell. Given all that, this week’s Five-Point Inspection is dedicated to finding a few small things to like about the Titan.

Have you seen George Clooney? He’s old and college girls still have the hots for him. Who says old and outdated have to go hand in hand? Not Nissan.

In fact, Betty White was recently reprimanded for stalking a Titan owner, kidnapping his dog and leaving a ransom note demanding directions to the fountain of youth.

Yes, the Titan’s styling stuck around with the stubborn determination of a drunk after last call. In this case, that’s a good thing. It isn’t the flashiest half-ton, but it’s still handsome after all these years.

Any job worth doing is worth doing early in the morning. That means waking up early, and waking up early sucks.

Thankfully, Nissan devised the world’s most idiosyncratic coffee cup holder. The owner’s manual will tell you this cubby is meant for other chores. Ignore that.

It’s located behind a locked door on the left side of the bed, just ahead of the wheel.

Putting a cup of mud in there for the drive would be both stupid and wasteful, but what about when you reach the job site?

Be it moving stuff, building things or breaking them down, you’re bound to be making more than a few trips to and fro. That’s where Nissan’s bed-side compartment comes in handy.

Keep your coffee in the hidden bed-side shelf. You wont risk knocking it over. You won’t lose it. Best of all: it’s plastic and double sealed against moisture, so even if you drive away with a full cup inside, five seconds with a hose absolves all.

It’s worth noting that you’ll need to buy either the Pro-4X or top-trim SL to get the compartment.

People who buy pickup trucks with a crew cab and standard bed must have some of the world’s most cavalier attitudes toward practicality. The bed is too short to move long cargo easily and they’re just as unwieldy. Thankfully, Nissan has a semi-solution.

All crew cabs come with a large power rear window. While it won’t make up for the shorter bed, should you choose it, there is an added degree of flexibility that many other trucks ignore. Of course, that presumes a willingness to share cabin space with cargo.

Then again, if you’re serious about something with enough space to haul junk, pay the extra $2,530 for an extended bed. Alternatively, there’s a bed-extending cage for less frequent use.

You shouldn’t expect to get sky-high mileage out of a truck, but when the Ram 1500 is claiming a combined 17 mpg and the EPA estimates for the Titan come in at 14, it’s hard not to feel disappointed.

What’s worse, a week of driving that was equally split between highway and city driving returned a hair over 11 mpg.

Granted, the highway driving involved daily traffic jams, but it still falls far short of expectations.

That would sting less if the Titan stacked up in other areas, but the truck’s 9,500-lb maximum towing capacity pales beside the Chevrolet Silverado’s 11,500 rating.

On the plus side, the 5.6-liter V8 sounds great. Shooting a rifle and driving a truck are both expensive pastimes. It just comes with the territory.

A new vehicle shouldn’t fight to slide from park to drive, but the 2013 Titan SL used in AutoGuide’s test frequently did. Cantankerous as it was, writing the truck off over what many might consider a minor flaw wouldn’t be fair.

But based on that, it’s hard not to remember that past model years had quality problems serious enough to merit recalls.

Nissan’s truck weathered its share of flaws since introduction. Hopefully those problems remain buried somewhere in a dark, musty corner of NHTSA’s archives.

Thinking about bucking the trend and buying a Titan? You can peruse the AutoGuide.com new cars section to see specifications and prices on. You can also go directly to the Titan page by clicking here.