Top 10 Vehicles Axed in 2013

You can’t live forever. Until someone actually discovers the mythical fountain of youth we simply have to settle for hot water and a dash of Epsom salt in the bath tub to restore vigor. Like it or not we’ve all got an appointment to meet our maker, though unfortunately we never know precisely where or when we’re supposed to get together.

The same is true of vehicles. Even good products get dropped by automakers. Customer desire shifts, sales slump and time marches on; nothing is immune to change. Here are some North American nameplates that were dropped in 2013.

Overall Subaru’s Tribeca midsize crossover was a decent product, though its name is rather outlandish. When it initially landed on the market around 2005 it was called the B9 Tribeca. The second half of its name, while hardly logical, was at least comprehensible. TRIangle BElow CAnal is a neighborhood in southwestern Manhattan. But what the hell did B9 stand for? Is it the name of Soviet rocket booster? Is it a binary star system in the Ursa Minor constellation? Grab your tinfoil hat, nobody seems to know!

Beyond the first-generation’s curious name was its styling. The vehicle’s front end was off putting at best, repulsive at worst. Designers rectified this shortcoming in the second and final iteration of the Tribeca, following a minor refresh. This Subaru is a good crossover but it’s going away.

The Acura TSX isn’t dead… yet. The house band is scheduled to play this gussied-up Euro-spec Honda off stage in 2014. The new TLX nameplate will take its place in the company’s lineup, a car that’s scheduled to be officially unveiled at the North American International Auto Show in Detroit later this month.

As it stands the fatally wounded TSX is available as either a sedan or a station wagon. The car is powered by a standard 2.4-liter four-cylinder engine though you can get an optional V6, which displaces beefier 3.5-liters. The former puts out 201 HP, the latter 280 ponies. Spicing things up, a six-speed manual is available in the sedan if you get the four-banger.

The TSX isn’t Acura’s only loss in 2013. The imitation-luxury brand’s strangely styled ZDX crossover is also getting kicked to the curb like a sack of trash. This on-road eyesore is no longer being offered, more than likely because of its disappointing sales. Through November, Acura dealers only moved 347 of them!

Supposedly the ZDX’s cancelation will allow the brand to focus more attention on its core products, the ones that sell in worthwhile volume. Still, if you want to snatch up one these unusual-looking crossovers it’s probably not too late. Base price for a 2013 Acura ZDX is around $52,000.

Like Acura’s terminally ill TSX the FJ Cruiser is not long for the world. This retro-styled off-roader is a tip of the paddy hat to Toyota’s original rock-bashing Land Cruisers, before they really blossomed, becoming too luxurious and waaaaaay too expensive. Base price for a 2014 ‘Cruiser is nearly 80 grand!

The FJ was designed for serious off roading with lots of ground clearance, a rugged suspension setup and underbody armor plating. The vehicle is powered by a 4.0-liter V6 engine that delivers 260 HP and 271 LB-FT of torque. It’s available with either a six-speed manual gearbox or an automatic transmission with five forward speeds.

Strong initial sales have tapered to unsustainable levels. The FJ Cruiser’s poor fuel economy and truck-like driving dynamics did it no favors, either.

Even before the company said so, it didn’t take a crystal ball to guess that Nissan’s two-door Altima was headed for a hard stop. In 2013, the company stopped offering the V6, leaving its last Altima buyers with a 2.5-liter four-cylinder as the only option.

With Nissan deciding to leave the mid-size front-wheel drive coupe market behind, an already slim segment just found another way to suck in its gut. But hey at least there’s still the Honda Accord for people who really want V6-powered front-wheel drive mid-size coupe with a manual, there’s still the Honda Accord. What a mouthful.

At least the Altima Coupe was practical from a price perspective. Somewhere between the artificially inflated world of luxury trucks and the suburban financial sinkhole that is Cadillac’s Escalade exists the Escalade EXT. They were purchased by approximately -15 people who planned to use them for the sort of work you might normally associate with pickup trucks. Yes, that’s a negative number because there were actually that many people laughed off the job site for showing up in them.

Maybe that’s a little harsh, but for the special few who need to tow a boat and haul a few yards of gravel in luxury comfort, the used market will have to suffice after this year.

If the notion of an Escalde-branded half truck seems silly, you might be forgetting about its hybrid cousin. Every once in a while, you’ll see one of these rumbling past. And they do rumble. With a 6.0-liter V8, the “hybrid” gives this thing green car credibility to the same end that wearing a lab coat and stethoscope makes Patrick Dempsey a physician. Yes, it might seem “McDreamy” to think of an Escalade with mileage to rival a Toyota Prius but just like Hollywood, the real thing is nowhere near as good. Highway fuel economy for the Escalade Hybrid is rated by the EPA at 23 mpg.

On the other hand, the Matrix is cheap to buy, affordable to fuel and reasonable to maintain. In fact, it’s a fantastic car that Toyota even offered wit ha six-speed manual and an all-wheel drive variant. In its first generation, the XRS model had a pretty impressive engine for its time, with 180 hp pumping from a 1.8-liter four banger. Unfortunately, hatchbacks are about as popular with Americans as the freedom of information is in China.

Volkswagen and Chrysler get along like Tom and Jerry so it’s no surprise that the Routan – a Chrysler minivan rebadged and sold as a Vee Dub – wound up among the collateral. Here’s an example: in 2012, Chrysler started offering $1,000 in bonus cash to any current Volkswagen owner who bought a car. No trade-in necessary, the chance to snag a few Volkswagen customers was all Chrysler asked.

Call it a slap in the face, a stick in the eye or a good old Italian “up yours,” but it didn’t come as much of a surprise when news emerged that the Routan died abruptly with a long knife to blame.

Imagine rowing in a race only to find that two of your teammates stopped mid-stroke. That’s a little like what happened to the Volvo C70. When production of the platform-sharing S40 and V50 ended, things looked about as grim for the Swedish convertible as the Ikea monkey’s future after got caught wearing a winter coat in Canada. That is to say things would change soon and the world might not see him (it) again.